she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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