I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
