Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
