And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize