Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
