I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
