tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize