This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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