I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
