I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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