went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
