Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
