dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
