my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
