I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
