I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
