i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
