Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize