Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I supernannyed him into submission
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
