My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
