i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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