I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
