got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
