I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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