Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
