Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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