I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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