I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
