just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
