I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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