I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
two words...techno handjob
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
