Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
