Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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