I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Welp...herpes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
