great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
