You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
