Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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