You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
