laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
