Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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