oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize