just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
