Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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