stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize