Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
