Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
