I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
