I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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