Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Come on in and take your pants off
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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