I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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