"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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