Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
