I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
