My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
