a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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