Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
