So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
