Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
