someone owes me an orgasm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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