I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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