Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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