cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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