why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
