well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
