Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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