Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
