I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
