My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
