Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
