that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
