my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
