seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
