Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
