Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
