Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
